So lately I’ve been thinking about my purpose on this planet. And I think that’s something that a lot of people heading into their thirties think about and struggle with. I just wonder how far people are actually willing to deep dive into it.
So what is my purpose? Why am I here? It’s tricky. I feel like I’m here to help people and need to find a way to do that. But I also feel like I’m meant to be a mom in some way. Maybe the two things are combined? Is this my purpose?
But I really have more questions than I do answers at this point, and I’m fairly sure that this is part of a much larger conversation. I am trying to break it down and find the smaller portions of my purpose. I don’t believe that our purpose is any one thing, but rather a collection of a bunch of smaller things that all work together to make the greater picture. To break this down, I am going to continue to meditate and allow my intuition to lead me a little more than I have been. This will hopefully let my soul speak up and lead me down the right path in my life
Right now this is such a time of transition, and I definitely don’t think I have all the answers. In fact, I feel like I’m coming to this with more questions than I ever imagined I could have about life and the way I live. It’s such a strange place to be. Questioning everything is challenging and intense at times, but also, so far, very rewarding.
I need to challenge myself more though. I really want to take the time I have now (thanks COVID-19) and work out as often as I can, as well as take the time for me to figure all of this stuff out. It’s easy to ask the questions, but harder to find the answers.
For a long time I have identified as agnostic. It’s been difficult for me to align myself with organized religion for a variety of reasons, which I won’t go into here. The moral of the story is I’ve struggled with my spirituality for some time now.
It’s only just been recently that I’ve started to think about the different kinds of spirituality that there is in the world. Something that has caught my attention has been astrology and human design. I think there is something worth investigating there, as they both are about the reason you are here right now. And that’s something that feels really powerful to me. Instead of a set of rules to follow or a belief of where you are going after you die, these forms of spirituality focus on your present life and making the best of the life you have. Be it explaining who you are (astrology) or WHY you are (human design).
Now I always thought of spirituality as something set in stone. You believed in God and thus were spiritual. Heaven and Hell, spiritual. Good and Evil, spiritual. The places the planets aligned at the exact moment you were born, well that wasn’t in my definition of what spirituality is. It was something you looked into for fun and you read your horoscope sometimes to see what someone thought your day was going to be like (usually in extremely generic terms). I definitely didn’t think you could be spiritual without believing in religion.
But looking at things from a broadened sense of what spirituality is has helped me frame what I believe in a little better. And its not something that I feel that I really was ready to explore before now, as I evaluate all parts of my life heading into my thirties. I still have a long way to go to know how much I hold in both astrology and human design, but I really feel like I’m on the right path.
Next stop is going to be getting my charts read by someone and really dig into what it means for me. I’m most interested in the human design chart as it explains things like what you are here to learn, or where you have the most room for growth. It’s meant to chart out in broad terms why you are existing now and I really think I could use some direction these days. It’s easy to feel lost, and I’m learning that a lot of people going through this big transition in life from their twenties to thirties start searching for direction, so i guess I’m right on track.
Do you know anything about astrology and human design? What are your thoughts on religion vs. spirituality? Let me know in the comments! And if you like what you’re reading don’t forget to follow my blog to catch the latest posts as soon as they’re out!
Holy guacamole its been a time. I’ll be better about writing here eventually, but for now here’s what’s been going on.
I just finished a tech week with the opera in town. The Barber of Seville. Ultimately its a great show and I learned a lot while doing it. Especially about who I don’t want to be as I approach 30.
See, there’s a lot of sexism in my industry. I was fortunate enough to work under a fabulous lighting designer for this show and she was so wonderful to me. However, our head of lighting is known to be at least a little sexist. At least to me and people of my age. But I had hoped he would be better behaved with someone who was a little more experienced (read: A LOT more experienced) than me. And he was, mostly. Still with the clear condescension and attitude and refusal to do certain things. Ladies you most likely have experienced behavior like this in your life and understand how frustrating it can be. Dudes, just don’t be that guy.
Above all else, the experience of the last week and a half was a good one. It’s reminded me of why I’m embracing the changes that are happening in both my personal life and career. Approaching my thirties has been a huge transition period for me, and it’s not one that I am likely to be through before the big birthday hits. Out of the tech week I’ve gained an important mentor who has in a way given me validation to work in the way I have been moving. Working with Eos has been incredible in a lot of ways but it’s been really hard to admit that it means moving away from theatre as my primary form of income. But speaking with Kim I’ve almost been given permission to take my time with Eos as it comes and enjoy it. It’s challenging work but also creative and most importantly flexible enough to allow me to continue in theatre part time.
The problem is, I’ve been hustling for so long I don’t know how to stop and settle in to a routine. But I also don’t want to be so exhausted all the time I can’t enjoy life. I don’t want to be so busy that I miss the important days in life. And I don’t want to lose myself to work.
Do you know what I mean? What are you looking forward to in the next week? Drop a comment below and let me know!