When the music stops

So I have been debating on this post for a few weeks. There has been a lot that I want to put into words and speak into the universe. And I really think its important for me to do this properly so it’s been weighing on me.

Ultimately, Patrick simply was not as good a guy as I thought he was. The longer version of the story is that he cheated. For a long period of time. He moved out and moved in with her. He lied to both of us and continued trying to play me even after I found out. He lied. ALOT. And simply put, he is not someone I want in my life. He made a liar out of me to the people I care about most. And he confused the situation almost costing me some of the most valuable people in my life because he straight up could not manage to tell the truth and be honest with anyone.

That being said, I am grateful for the finality with which it has now ended. I am grateful for the relationship it let me be free enough and strong enough to embrace. And I am grateful for the fact that I am now able to say I KNOW that I am ok alone and a relationship is something that should add to my life.

Our relationship circled round and round for years. He was always one foot out the door, and that’s left me with some really awful trauma responses that I have to find a way to manage. He and his instability is the reason I have missed some really important events in my life. He is a large part of the reason that I am in the financial situation I am. And he is the reason that I struggle to sit in the comfort of a relationship with someone who is stable, loving, kind, and above all, honest. I question everything, I worry about my new partner not showing up for important things because that is what I’ve known for the last several years. Will he get on the plane to come see me? Is he going to be there when I show up? Will he run if my mental health is less than ideal? Will he run if I share the deepest struggles I have?

It’s been a lot to deal with, and something that I continue to deal with and unpack. Honestly, I have been reflecting so much over the last 6 months about the last nearly 9 years of my life that I spent dedicated to someone who couldn’t be bothered to afford me the same respect. I wish I had seen everything clearly before when I did, but I think it took me being devestated to find out how strong I can be. And to know that I have people around me who will support me no matter what. That I have a best friend who will drop everything and be on a plane the next day because I need her. (Christina, I will forever be grateful for you. I knew that before, and I especially know that now.)

At the end of the day, Patrick and Kelsey deserve each other. And I mean that. She knew what he was doing and still decided to stay with him, even after he was exposed as the liar he is, and even after he claimed he had moved out to try and maintain a relationship with me. At the end of the day, this is the end of that chapter of my life. Yes it still hurts, and yes there is still A LOT of residual issues that I have to find some way to manage. There is still a very long road ahead of me. But he has no place in that future.

I have learned that it is not possible to be everything to someone, nor is it healthy to have someone be your everything. But I have also learned that it is incredibly important to have people around you that add to your life.

I have learned that I am able to be strong, but that often I need to lean on the people around me.

I have learned that it is important to trust my gut. My instincts are almost always right.

I have learned that I need to call on my spirit guides when something does not feel right.

And I have learned that when it’s time to move on, I will know. Not every story has to have a happy ending. And I only hope that it was time not wasted.

Above all else, I have learned that the things that 20 year old me was willing to put up with in the hopes of finding “the one” will no longer fly. I want more from life than that.

What is your most valuable learning experience in your dating life? Any fun or insightful ways to deal with a cheater? What is the best dating advice you wish you could tell your 20 year old self? Let me know in the comments!

Love always,



Sometimes we all need a little refresh. Some time to stop and say what the hell am I doing?

And sometimes we need a little push.

Welcome back friends, and for those of you who are just joining HELLO! We are starting fresh this week and really diving back into why I started writing to begin with. The last… year and a half?… has been truly crazy. So full of ups and downs that I’m not even sure where to start.

At the beginning you say? Alrighty then. A lot of things I will deep dive into later as I take some time to think about what has gone on but here is a synopsis:

  • Work has been insane. I’m considering quitting my job in favour of a full time graphic design gig instead.
  • PATRICK. Oh jeeze. What didn’t happen there… suffice to say we are not together any more.
  • Houdini passed 😿
  • I got a puppy!
  • I moved…. and then moved again… and might move… again?
  • My family is just as messy as ever (well at least some things don’t change, right?)

I know, lots to dive into. All in good time, I promise. Trust I’ll be processing it right alongside all of you. There’s a ton to unpack and its far too much for a single post.

But this brings me to why I’m writing. Why now? And more importantly WHAT now?

The long and short of it is I want to get back to basics. I considered doing this in podcast format, and there may yet be a podcast spinoff of the blog, but this feels like home. Writing feels like home. It’s my favourite way to express myself and I find it the easiest way to get all my thoughts out. But this is more than just a journal of my experiences navigating the tumultuous time of my thirties. As time goes on I want to have guest writers from all walks of life who specialize in wellness, health, spirituality, finance, and entrepreneurship. My goal is to have this grow into a community of humans mentoring each other and finding our way together so no one of us is left fumbling in the dark.

So yes, it will start, and remain, a place for me to work through the craziness that has and will continue to present itself to me as I walk this path, but I hope you get something out of it too. As far as why now, I find myself at a crossroads in life in basically all major points. Relationships, career, family, mental health, and community, to name a few. And its a precipice that I have found a lot of people in my generation come to in their thirties. So lets name it and move through it together.

Now this ride won’t be for everyone, so if this isn’t for you, that’s completely fine. You’ll find the right blog for you. But if it is, hit that follow button and catch the updates as they happen. I’m going to be releasing blogs once a week on Fridays for the time being, but will be expanding the number of posts per week as time goes on. Now if you’ve stuck around this long, why don’t you hit me up in the comments and let me know what appeals to you. What do you want to hear about first? Feel free to share a bit about your story and where you’re at.

Have a great week!


Sara Turns 30

Alright. So we’ve reached my birthday. Today I turn the big 3-0. Thirty flirty and thriving. That’s what they say right? Well my thirtieth trip around the sun is off to a weird start. I mean who could have guessed when I started this that I would be cancelling Vegas and starting thirty mostly alone in my apartment? Definitely not me! It was all planned out, but here we are.

So what does thirty mean to me? What does it mean to anyone? And what am I leaving behind in my twenties?

It’s that last question that is the most important in my opinion. The habits and bad decisions that I made in my twenties that I’m definitely not going to miss. Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of fun in my twenties. There was a lot that I think I got right in my twenties. But it was a time of figuring out who I am and who I want to be.

Some habits I will be trying to leave behind? How about trying to hard to get other’s approval. I think I’m going to dedicate my thirties to doing what feels right for me, not what I think will please everyone else. Or picking at my nails. Or over analyzing what I’m doing. I think I need to try to live more spontaneously.

Things I am going to try to do in my thirties are be better about standing in my light and being my most authentic self. And taking better care of myself mind, body, and soul. I’m going to chase my dreams and make some goals on how to get there. I am going to try to eat less popcorn and more kale. And most of all, I’m going to try all that life puts in front of me with more passion than fear.

And then there’s the big goals that I have for the next decade of my life. Things that I would love to do and really want to achieve, but also acknowledge that life throws curve balls and it might not be possible. I would love to be a mom, own a condo (I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. It wont be a house for sure), be married, and have all the family things ironed out and laid before me. But above all of that, I want to be a better me. To wake up in the morning and have my routine down, to know where my career is headed, and to be well on my way to my goals there.

As I write this I’m realizing that I have a lot of work ahead of me to make my thirties everything I want it to be, so wish me luck! I may not have it all figured out, but at least I’m working on it.

Much Love,

The Romance Shift

This week I’ve been reflecting on relationships. Not just the romantic ones, but the friendships too (more on those later). As far as romantic relationships go, however, I’m what my friends have called a serial monogamist. I like being in a committed relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally happy on my own too (found that ability in my twenties), but there’s something really nice about having a partner in crime. But as I approach my thirties, I’m a little startled to see that the way I approach relationships, and how I exist in them, has changed in a big way.

In my early twenties I viewed a romantic relationship as something exciting yet comfortable. I was constantly in search of the “puppy love” phase but I also thought that it was important for me to be in a relationship constantly. I thought that was the big goal in life. You get in a relationship, fall in love, and then get married and your life really begins.

It seemed like a pretty linear way of living life. You go right from point A to B to C. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. If life worked like that, I always thought that I would be set and would hit all those milestones that I expected to hit by the time I was thirty. And maybe that works out for some people, but it certainly hasn’t worked that way for me.

Instead, I am finding relationships to be complex things where some days you fly and everything fits perfectly, but other times it feels like you’re working through every trauma of your past to get to the future you both want. It’s wonderful to have a partner beside you working for the same goals and striving for the same level of excellence. Its working through the fights to see the sun on the other side instead of calling it quits at the first sign of trouble. It’s trusting that the other person has your back when you may not have your own.

And I’m learning that life doesn’t begin and end because you’re in a relationship or not. Life is what happens around you as you choose your path, whether you have someone making footprints beside you or not. I’m learning that relationships don’t define who you are as a person but you are who define you and the relationship should compliment that. And that’s both empowering and frightening at the same time. It means that I have to decide who I am, even in a long term relationship.

Now those who know me know I’ve been with my partner since my early-ish twenties, so a lot of this learning has been done with him by my side. We have grown together and faced more than our fair share of bumps along the way. And things are complicated because of the amount of growing we’ve done together and separately. That growth hasn’t always been at the same rate or at the same time. But still we choose each other. And thats powerful.

I’m learning that relationships aren’t what happens when two people see each other in the right place at the right time, but rather that it is when two people choose each other every single day, despite all the other stuff that could get in the way. And when you stop choosing each other, that’s when the relationship ends, not when things get hard. And I’m learning that some days the odds are stacked against you, and others its a windfall in your favour. It’s rarely something in between.

What is your favourite thing to learn about your partner? How has your view on relationships changed over the years? Let me know in the comments! And don’t forget to like the post and follow to find out when I post next.

Much love

And So It Goes

Alright friends, its time for the weekly update.

So far this week has been a bit of a crazy one. Work has me working from home so I’m spending a lot of time with the small ones (my 2 cats Gir and Houdini), and the mister. But being under pseudo self isolation has given me the gift of time.

Time to think and reflect. largely I have been using this time to really look at where I think I want to be in the next 10 years. This is an ongoing line of thought for me these days but I’m really trying to narrow it down. What are my goals for the next 5 and 10 years? What do I think I will be able to accomplish? What building blocks do I want to put in place to continue my growth? And then there is the reflecting time that I have been continuing to invest in. What do I think of the last 10 years? How have I fallen short of my expectations? And just as importantly, how have I exceeded my expectations? I’m really trying to make the most of this time ahead of me and plan for the big transitions ahead.

I’ve started actually taking this time to invest in myself and think about the big stuff in my life as well. Things like my spirituality and what that means to me. As I mentioned in another post, spirituality is something I’ve really struggled with but as I approach my thirties its felt really important to actually take some time to figure out where I sit with my spirituality.

It’s also given me time to think about short term goals. Like not going completely nuts being stuck in the house most of the day with limited human interaction. Yoga is going to be important as my usual routine with spin has been interrupted. I think I need to be doing yoga about 3 times a week, but its hard to know where to start with all the options out there for online yoga classes. If you know of any really great instructors doing youtube or similar, please let me know in the comments.

I also think I am going to double down on my meditation. I’ve got a ton of room to improve on my meditation practice (going from once a week to more than that shouldn’t be too hard right?). So wish me luck!

Well that’s pretty much it for this week. Hopefully next week is a little less of a crazypants time in the world. I’m really trying to be an optimist during this time, but it can be difficult with so much coming at you all at once. Hope you all are staying healthy and safe.

Much love,

Spirituality vs. Religion

For a long time I have identified as agnostic. It’s been difficult for me to align myself with organized religion for a variety of reasons, which I won’t go into here. The moral of the story is I’ve struggled with my spirituality for some time now.

It’s only just been recently that I’ve started to think about the different kinds of spirituality that there is in the world. Something that has caught my attention has been astrology and human design. I think there is something worth investigating there, as they both are about the reason you are here right now. And that’s something that feels really powerful to me. Instead of a set of rules to follow or a belief of where you are going after you die, these forms of spirituality focus on your present life and making the best of the life you have. Be it explaining who you are (astrology) or WHY you are (human design).

Now I always thought of spirituality as something set in stone. You believed in God and thus were spiritual. Heaven and Hell, spiritual. Good and Evil, spiritual. The places the planets aligned at the exact moment you were born, well that wasn’t in my definition of what spirituality is. It was something you looked into for fun and you read your horoscope sometimes to see what someone thought your day was going to be like (usually in extremely generic terms). I definitely didn’t think you could be spiritual without believing in religion.

But looking at things from a broadened sense of what spirituality is has helped me frame what I believe in a little better. And its not something that I feel that I really was ready to explore before now, as I evaluate all parts of my life heading into my thirties. I still have a long way to go to know how much I hold in both astrology and human design, but I really feel like I’m on the right path.

Next stop is going to be getting my charts read by someone and really dig into what it means for me. I’m most interested in the human design chart as it explains things like what you are here to learn, or where you have the most room for growth. It’s meant to chart out in broad terms why you are existing now and I really think I could use some direction these days. It’s easy to feel lost, and I’m learning that a lot of people going through this big transition in life from their twenties to thirties start searching for direction, so i guess I’m right on track.

Do you know anything about astrology and human design? What are your thoughts on religion vs. spirituality? Let me know in the comments! And if you like what you’re reading don’t forget to follow my blog to catch the latest posts as soon as they’re out!

Much love,

This is your life on Friends

Growing up, I was convinced that my twenties were going to be like Friends. Working a job, hanging with a core group of friends all the time, and chilling at our favourite coffee house. Living some kind of kooky special life where the greatest things had yet to come. Having exciting dating experiences that I would be able to laugh about with my friends.

Instead, what I got was vastly different. I worked a lot, hardly had any close girlfriends, and had a lot of weird times. There were a ton of great things that happened. I met my partner Patrick, I graduated university, I moved to a great new city, started and mostly ended a career, and now am starting a new one.

But it has definitely been nothing like I was led to believe on Friends.

Its been harder than I could have imagined. I couldn’t wait to be in my twenties when I was a teenager. That’s when things would really change and be awesome. Life would really start. But in a way it really has just been a continuation of my teens. I still have so much to learn, I still have a lot of challenges to face, and I still have so much more of life to experience.

I thought that once I was turning 30 I would be in such a different place in life. Married, kids, established career, those are the life milestones I always imagined that I would have hit by now. But being here now, I almost feel like I wasn’t even close to ready for those things by 27 or 28. Even now, I’m only just feeling ready to really entertain those things. Maybe thirties me will really be the best me. Maybe it doesn’t have to be a mourning of my twenties ending (though I can imagine there will be some drunk tears on my birthday) but rather a celebration of all that is yet to come.

Have you hit your thirties yet? Is it really all I hear? Let me know in the comments! I love hearing from you. (And as always, don’t forget to like and follow the blog to hear first when new posts go live.)

Much love,