The rain just pours

So it’s been some time but I’m back!

It’s been a rough go of it the last couple weeks and it’s about time we had a catch up. So we are still in pseudo lockdown here in Canada, and as a result I’ve been spending a lot of time alone. Then Houdini had abcesses on her anal gland, which is about as gross as it sounds, so she needed major surgery to resolve that. No sooner did she heal from that then she started showing signs that her glaucoma had come back in her remaining eye.

Rough go for poor Houdini, and massive hits to my wallet. Now she had to have her eye removed because the pressure in her eye was so high that it just couldn’t be otherwise controlled and it was causing her a not insignificant amount of discomfort and pain. So we opted to do the hard but responsible thing to have her eye out, and we are now adjusting to having a blind cat in the house. The biggest adjustment has been from Gir, who definitely isn’t accustomed to having an animal moving around the house bumping into everything but here we are.

All of this to say, it’s been a while my friends, and I am glad to be back and writing for you.

Some good news that has come up lately however, is I have been investing in more cat toys for Gir to play with, so she has things to do, and I have been putting time into my side hustles again. Standby for some photos of the crocheting that I have been working on ❤

On top of everything, my meditation practice has slid a bit and I have lost sight of the goals I have been setting for myself, so I am going to start setting 3 small goals every day for myself. Be it being more social during the day, meditating, or just remembering to drink water instead of the copious amounts of coffee I have been drinking. 3 things every day that are achievable in that day.

Let me know what you think! How are you coping with quarantine? How are you finding your productivity focus has changed lately? Let me know in the comments! And don’t forget to follow the blog to know when the latest posts come out!

Much love,
Sara

Oh Tarot My Tarot

I recently picked up a tarot card deck. Its been an interesting journey to start. I am still just learning about it but I was turned onto the concept through conversation with my best friend, as well as listening to my favourite podcast. As many of you will know I’ve been listening to the Almost 30 Podcast a lot lately, and it has inspired me to explore a lot of things both spiritually and as lifestyle changes.

So I’ve been reading the cards every day. Sometimes multiple times a day about different things. I haven’t had the courage to do a reading for anyone else yet. There are so many meanings for each of the cards. And I have so much more to learn.

All of this leans into the fact that I am trying really hard to work more intuitively within my life. Listening to what my body and soul are telling me. It’s easier said than done. Definitely easier said than done. But here we are and I’m trying my absolute best to flex that intuitive muscle.

And so I continue with the tarot cards. Slowly learning the meanings, both the standard and the inverted, hopefully getting to the point eventually where I don’t need the guidebook anymore except for with the rare cards. I keep having the 2 of swords come up in my readings, and I am trying to learn what that means in the broader sense. I understand the meaning of the card, but what does that mean for me. It is a card that is blinded by the unknown, and I know that I struggle with the unknown in my every day life. Maybe it has something to do with that. Either way, I’m discovering a lot about myself by reading my cards, and am recognizing that even at thirty, I still have a long way to go.

Sara Turns 30

Alright. So we’ve reached my birthday. Today I turn the big 3-0. Thirty flirty and thriving. That’s what they say right? Well my thirtieth trip around the sun is off to a weird start. I mean who could have guessed when I started this that I would be cancelling Vegas and starting thirty mostly alone in my apartment? Definitely not me! It was all planned out, but here we are.

So what does thirty mean to me? What does it mean to anyone? And what am I leaving behind in my twenties?

It’s that last question that is the most important in my opinion. The habits and bad decisions that I made in my twenties that I’m definitely not going to miss. Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of fun in my twenties. There was a lot that I think I got right in my twenties. But it was a time of figuring out who I am and who I want to be.

Some habits I will be trying to leave behind? How about trying to hard to get other’s approval. I think I’m going to dedicate my thirties to doing what feels right for me, not what I think will please everyone else. Or picking at my nails. Or over analyzing what I’m doing. I think I need to try to live more spontaneously.

Things I am going to try to do in my thirties are be better about standing in my light and being my most authentic self. And taking better care of myself mind, body, and soul. I’m going to chase my dreams and make some goals on how to get there. I am going to try to eat less popcorn and more kale. And most of all, I’m going to try all that life puts in front of me with more passion than fear.

And then there’s the big goals that I have for the next decade of my life. Things that I would love to do and really want to achieve, but also acknowledge that life throws curve balls and it might not be possible. I would love to be a mom, own a condo (I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. It wont be a house for sure), be married, and have all the family things ironed out and laid before me. But above all of that, I want to be a better me. To wake up in the morning and have my routine down, to know where my career is headed, and to be well on my way to my goals there.

As I write this I’m realizing that I have a lot of work ahead of me to make my thirties everything I want it to be, so wish me luck! I may not have it all figured out, but at least I’m working on it.

Much Love,
Sara

To Vegas…. Or Not.

For me, birthdays are a big deal. It’s the one day a year where you can feel extra special. A day where you’re important. A day to celebrate you. So this year I had it all planned. Why not celebrate thirty in Vegas? We had it all booked, there was going to be 8 of us going down to Vegas and we were meant to leave tomorrow.

Then COVID happened.

The world stopped. And so, naturally, the trip had to be cancelled. There were flights to be cancelled, hotels to be cancelled, excursions to be cancelled. It was an awful feeling letting go of a weekend that I was so excited for. One that I had been looking forward to for months. I’ve never been to Las Vegas before so it was going to be the trip of a lifetime. Letting go of that in favour of people feeling like they were going to be able to remain healthy and avoid the fast spreading virus was important to me, but I struggled for several days before making the call. I’m glad that I did when I did because at least the choice was mine, not the government’s (as would have been the case if I’d waited a week).

Giving up Vegas has left me with a lot of feels. Especially staring down a milestone birthday that I don’t feel ready for. Ringing in my thirties surrounded by people I care about was really important to me, and that was taken away rather suddenly. It’s hard not to be a little bitter about it. And really, I am a little bitter about it. But at the same time I’m trying to be grateful. And I am… Kind of. I’m grateful that no one who was to be on the trip is sick, I’m grateful that I’ll still get to go on my trip at some point, and I’m grateful that things aren’t worse than they are where I live.

So I’m trying to practice gratitude this week, when I am looking at the things that were and are important to me falling away. I still hope to make a big deal about my birthday this year, and will probably spend much of it reflecting on my twenties and thinking about what I want my thirties to be. Hopefully I’ll be able to celebrate with friends on Zoom, have a beer and maybe some cake with the people who are important to me, even if it’s from a distance.

I’m disappointed that I’m not going on my trip for my birthday this year, which feels like a massive understatement, but I’m hopeful that it will be made a big deal of in light of the disappointment. We’ll have to wait and see what happens in the next few days!

Much love,
Sara

Love is Blind, But I’m Not – A Netflix Review

Recently I finished the first season of Love is Blind on Netflix. I’m a little late to the game but I have some feelings about the show, as a concept and the season itself.

Off the get go, I wasn’t sure I was going to buy into the whole premise of the show. I mean, you take a bunch of people, put them in pods to talk to each other, how deep are they actually going to go? And on top of that, why would any of them follow through with the weddings. It’s like The Bachelor but everyone wears blindfolds and straight jackets. But if there is one thing that Netflix knows how to do, its how to create a supremely bingeable TV show. I made it through the first episode, saw the “coming up this season” section and I was HOOKED!

Now full disclosure, I finished the season in 3 days. There is something that goes missing when you’re bingeing a show and you definitely don’t get quite as emotionally invested, but it still got me in the feels hard when we got to the weddings episode. And those CLIFFHANGERS! I mean, way to make me lose 4 hours Netflix. Of course I want to watch the next episode.

Winding it back a bit, I certainly thought that Carlton was hella full of himself the whole way through the pods. Major toolbag. But I definitely didn’t think he deserved to be treated so badly by Diamond when she confronted him the morning after his big reveal. I thought he was courageous in telling her about his sexuality and really made himself vulnerable in a way that wasn’t otherwise seen. That said, boy, watch your mouth and don’t call a woman a bitch in any way unless you’re ready to feel the wrath.

Did anyone else feel that the girls that they got on the show were gorgeous but the guys were mostly average looking? Like don’t get me wrong, there was something conventionally attractive about each of them, but none of them were wow’s for me. Just me? 🤷‍♀️

Now, my favourite couple hands down was Cameron and Lauren. When they got married, I teared up and cheered. I was rooting for them the whole time. I loved everything about them and loved how they communicated their way through all the little things that could have massively tripped them up. But the big thing I think is they both BOUGHT IN. They were in it right from the start and weren’t playing any games. Refreshing right?

Now, as far as the show itself, I thought there were a couple major things that left me with questions. Now my friend Braden likened the show to basically arranged marriage, and I disagree. The reason for that is that I feel that there was a high degree of choice to the show. No one had to accept a proposal, and no one was told that there was one right guy for them in the group. That said, I can see how someone could come to that conclusion. I felt like it cheapened the experience to have the Mexico trip be heavily relied upon to deepen the relationship in the way we all know they meant. Sex. But there can be more of a physical bond even without sex. It isn’t the only part of a physical attraction that is important for a relationship to be successful. I really felt this was where Jessica had it right not to jump into that part of the physical right away and try to let it happen naturally.

There were so many cringey moments that were captured, like any good reality TV show, but that just made it more intoxicating to keep watching. Like sitting there saying “no way he didn’t just say that” and watching on to see how it ends up. And yes Netflix, I am almost always still watching. Especially now. So can we please ease off the judgey reminders?

What did you think of the show? Haven’t watched it yet? I definitely recommend it! As always, hit that like button if you like what you’re reading and want more of it, and follow the blog if you want to keep up with the latest posts!

Much love
Sara

The Week of Weeks

So this week it’s been a bit of a step backwards in some of my goals. Houdini (my cat) had a major medical issue that had to be dealt with suddenly last weekend and it’s been a week of playing catch up.

My meditation practice has kind of fallen off a bit as a result. As has my yoga practice, or really my selfcare practice. I am finding myself become a bit wound up in taking care of everyone else and making sure they have what they need. This is both who I am and a little frustrating because I know that I need to take care of myself as well. I’ve said before that I am learning that self care isn’t a dirty word, and it’s been so difficult to go down this path and really discover who I am.

In good news, I have been using puzzles as a bit of a meditative activity. Something just peaceful and quiet where I can quiet the noise of my mind and be in the moment. That’s something that is important to remember about meditation. It’s less important to sit and do nothing than it is to give your mind a rest.

Being in isolation from the world is difficult. Being in isolation from the world while taking care of a sick cat is even more difficult. But, at the risk of repeating myself, it’s also the gift of time. And so far it hasn’t really been time well spent. I have so many things that I want to accomplish with this time and I haven’t really started any of it (except my puzzling). I almost feel like there is too much that I could be doing so I am going to break it down to 3 impactful things that I am going to do this week.

  1. I am going to rearrange the office. This will let me go into the work week with a clean and organized space that is ready for me to work in.
  2. I am going to meditate in some way 3 times this week.
  3. I am going to do yoga 3 times this week.

I feel like if I can accomplish these 3 things this week, it will have been time well spent. Otherwise next week will feel just as long and drawn out as this past week.

How have you been keeping sane the last few weeks as the world has become more and more chaotic? Let me know in the comments! I’ll take all suggestions! And don’t forget to like and follow the blog if you like what you’re reading for future updates.

Much love
Sara

The Romance Shift

This week I’ve been reflecting on relationships. Not just the romantic ones, but the friendships too (more on those later). As far as romantic relationships go, however, I’m what my friends have called a serial monogamist. I like being in a committed relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally happy on my own too (found that ability in my twenties), but there’s something really nice about having a partner in crime. But as I approach my thirties, I’m a little startled to see that the way I approach relationships, and how I exist in them, has changed in a big way.

In my early twenties I viewed a romantic relationship as something exciting yet comfortable. I was constantly in search of the “puppy love” phase but I also thought that it was important for me to be in a relationship constantly. I thought that was the big goal in life. You get in a relationship, fall in love, and then get married and your life really begins.

It seemed like a pretty linear way of living life. You go right from point A to B to C. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. If life worked like that, I always thought that I would be set and would hit all those milestones that I expected to hit by the time I was thirty. And maybe that works out for some people, but it certainly hasn’t worked that way for me.

Instead, I am finding relationships to be complex things where some days you fly and everything fits perfectly, but other times it feels like you’re working through every trauma of your past to get to the future you both want. It’s wonderful to have a partner beside you working for the same goals and striving for the same level of excellence. Its working through the fights to see the sun on the other side instead of calling it quits at the first sign of trouble. It’s trusting that the other person has your back when you may not have your own.

And I’m learning that life doesn’t begin and end because you’re in a relationship or not. Life is what happens around you as you choose your path, whether you have someone making footprints beside you or not. I’m learning that relationships don’t define who you are as a person but you are who define you and the relationship should compliment that. And that’s both empowering and frightening at the same time. It means that I have to decide who I am, even in a long term relationship.

Now those who know me know I’ve been with my partner since my early-ish twenties, so a lot of this learning has been done with him by my side. We have grown together and faced more than our fair share of bumps along the way. And things are complicated because of the amount of growing we’ve done together and separately. That growth hasn’t always been at the same rate or at the same time. But still we choose each other. And thats powerful.

I’m learning that relationships aren’t what happens when two people see each other in the right place at the right time, but rather that it is when two people choose each other every single day, despite all the other stuff that could get in the way. And when you stop choosing each other, that’s when the relationship ends, not when things get hard. And I’m learning that some days the odds are stacked against you, and others its a windfall in your favour. It’s rarely something in between.

What is your favourite thing to learn about your partner? How has your view on relationships changed over the years? Let me know in the comments! And don’t forget to like the post and follow to find out when I post next.

Much love
Sara

Whats The Point?

So lately I’ve been thinking about my purpose on this planet. And I think that’s something that a lot of people heading into their thirties think about and struggle with. I just wonder how far people are actually willing to deep dive into it.

So what is my purpose? Why am I here? It’s tricky. I feel like I’m here to help people and need to find a way to do that. But I also feel like I’m meant to be a mom in some way. Maybe the two things are combined? Is this my purpose?

But I really have more questions than I do answers at this point, and I’m fairly sure that this is part of a much larger conversation. I am trying to break it down and find the smaller portions of my purpose. I don’t believe that our purpose is any one thing, but rather a collection of a bunch of smaller things that all work together to make the greater picture. To break this down, I am going to continue to meditate and allow my intuition to lead me a little more than I have been. This will hopefully let my soul speak up and lead me down the right path in my life

Right now this is such a time of transition, and I definitely don’t think I have all the answers. In fact, I feel like I’m coming to this with more questions than I ever imagined I could have about life and the way I live. It’s such a strange place to be. Questioning everything is challenging and intense at times, but also, so far, very rewarding.

I need to challenge myself more though. I really want to take the time I have now (thanks COVID-19) and work out as often as I can, as well as take the time for me to figure all of this stuff out. It’s easy to ask the questions, but harder to find the answers.

Much love,
Sara

And So It Goes

Alright friends, its time for the weekly update.

So far this week has been a bit of a crazy one. Work has me working from home so I’m spending a lot of time with the small ones (my 2 cats Gir and Houdini), and the mister. But being under pseudo self isolation has given me the gift of time.

Time to think and reflect. largely I have been using this time to really look at where I think I want to be in the next 10 years. This is an ongoing line of thought for me these days but I’m really trying to narrow it down. What are my goals for the next 5 and 10 years? What do I think I will be able to accomplish? What building blocks do I want to put in place to continue my growth? And then there is the reflecting time that I have been continuing to invest in. What do I think of the last 10 years? How have I fallen short of my expectations? And just as importantly, how have I exceeded my expectations? I’m really trying to make the most of this time ahead of me and plan for the big transitions ahead.

I’ve started actually taking this time to invest in myself and think about the big stuff in my life as well. Things like my spirituality and what that means to me. As I mentioned in another post, spirituality is something I’ve really struggled with but as I approach my thirties its felt really important to actually take some time to figure out where I sit with my spirituality.

It’s also given me time to think about short term goals. Like not going completely nuts being stuck in the house most of the day with limited human interaction. Yoga is going to be important as my usual routine with spin has been interrupted. I think I need to be doing yoga about 3 times a week, but its hard to know where to start with all the options out there for online yoga classes. If you know of any really great instructors doing youtube or similar, please let me know in the comments.

I also think I am going to double down on my meditation. I’ve got a ton of room to improve on my meditation practice (going from once a week to more than that shouldn’t be too hard right?). So wish me luck!

Well that’s pretty much it for this week. Hopefully next week is a little less of a crazypants time in the world. I’m really trying to be an optimist during this time, but it can be difficult with so much coming at you all at once. Hope you all are staying healthy and safe.

Much love,
Sara

Keep Calm and COVID on

So let’s address the elephant in the room. There is a pandemic going on right now that is causing many of us to self isolate. In fact, that’s probably why you’re reading this now (or you like me! You really like me!). But anyways, while caution and following instructions are important, we really aren’t in the panic stage yet. Here’s what I mean:

People all over the country are stocking up at the moment (myself included to a lesser degree) but there are some who are going to great lengths to buy up a year’s supply in toilet paper. Fairly unnecessary and leaving those of us who actually need it without. I have 2 rolls left people, this is not a drill. So how am I spending my day tomorrow? Searching all over the city to try and find some toilet paper instead of staying safe in my apartment.

Next up: the employers who aren’t covering lost wages when they are shutting down unexpectedly. Here is something that really bothers me right now. I mean, if you’re a small business that’s one thing. I can understand a little more that you wouldn’t be able to handle the losses and cover the wages. But there are several larger companies (CoughFlamesOwnershipCough) who are instead insisting that they don’t need to cover the wages but will make a strong fuss about being supported by the community when the organization needs something. This is just wrong, and more people need to speak out about this. EI isn’t going to be able to cover everyone.

Much closer to home, a lot of theatre shows are cancelling or postponing. My own show had to make the difficult decision to postpone until the fall (hopefully) to do the responsible thing and not gather people unnecessarily. Its hitting hard. People are losing work, and not a small amount with all the corporate events being cancelled globally, there is a lot of technicians and designers who are going without work. Theatre companies are looking at huge losses. If there has ever been a time to support your local artists, here it is. But the theatre community is strong in its support of each other and I have seen people step up and offer assistance to those who may not have cushions to fall back on, the gathering of information for those who may need to apply to EI, and even just lending support and strength to the administrators who are having to make such difficult calls.

Amongst all of this craziness, I have seen some truly wonderful things happen as well. From housebound citizens in Italy singing with each other to keep up morale, to people within my own community offering to help the elderly and those who have compromised immune systems stock up on groceries and run errands to avoid public transportation. People are really stepping up, and that is what keeps me thinking that things are going to be alright.

So keep calm and healthy out there.

What has been your experience with COVID-19 so far? Are there any signs of wonderful humans in your life to share? Let me know in the comments! (And as always, click like and follow the blog to get the latest. It really helps me out!)

Much love
Sara