So I have been debating on this post for a few weeks. There has been a lot that I want to put into words and speak into the universe. And I really think its important for me to do this properly so it’s been weighing on me.
Ultimately, Patrick simply was not as good a guy as I thought he was. The longer version of the story is that he cheated. For a long period of time. He moved out and moved in with her. He lied to both of us and continued trying to play me even after I found out. He lied. ALOT. And simply put, he is not someone I want in my life. He made a liar out of me to the people I care about most. And he confused the situation almost costing me some of the most valuable people in my life because he straight up could not manage to tell the truth and be honest with anyone.
That being said, I am grateful for the finality with which it has now ended. I am grateful for the relationship it let me be free enough and strong enough to embrace. And I am grateful for the fact that I am now able to say I KNOW that I am ok alone and a relationship is something that should add to my life.
Our relationship circled round and round for years. He was always one foot out the door, and that’s left me with some really awful trauma responses that I have to find a way to manage. He and his instability is the reason I have missed some really important events in my life. He is a large part of the reason that I am in the financial situation I am. And he is the reason that I struggle to sit in the comfort of a relationship with someone who is stable, loving, kind, and above all, honest. I question everything, I worry about my new partner not showing up for important things because that is what I’ve known for the last several years. Will he get on the plane to come see me? Is he going to be there when I show up? Will he run if my mental health is less than ideal? Will he run if I share the deepest struggles I have?
It’s been a lot to deal with, and something that I continue to deal with and unpack. Honestly, I have been reflecting so much over the last 6 months about the last nearly 9 years of my life that I spent dedicated to someone who couldn’t be bothered to afford me the same respect. I wish I had seen everything clearly before when I did, but I think it took me being devestated to find out how strong I can be. And to know that I have people around me who will support me no matter what. That I have a best friend who will drop everything and be on a plane the next day because I need her. (Christina, I will forever be grateful for you. I knew that before, and I especially know that now.)
At the end of the day, Patrick and Kelsey deserve each other. And I mean that. She knew what he was doing and still decided to stay with him, even after he was exposed as the liar he is, and even after he claimed he had moved out to try and maintain a relationship with me. At the end of the day, this is the end of that chapter of my life. Yes it still hurts, and yes there is still A LOT of residual issues that I have to find some way to manage. There is still a very long road ahead of me. But he has no place in that future.
I have learned that it is not possible to be everything to someone, nor is it healthy to have someone be your everything. But I have also learned that it is incredibly important to have people around you that add to your life.
I have learned that I am able to be strong, but that often I need to lean on the people around me.
I have learned that it is important to trust my gut. My instincts are almost always right.
I have learned that I need to call on my spirit guides when something does not feel right.
And I have learned that when it’s time to move on, I will know. Not every story has to have a happy ending. And I only hope that it was time not wasted.
Above all else, I have learned that the things that 20 year old me was willing to put up with in the hopes of finding “the one” will no longer fly. I want more from life than that.
What is your most valuable learning experience in your dating life? Any fun or insightful ways to deal with a cheater? What is the best dating advice you wish you could tell your 20 year old self? Let me know in the comments!