The Progress is Real

Just be. That’s something that not many people can do. Myself included. But what would happen if we were able to do so? What if we woke up one morning and had nothing to do and were able to just be a human? Just do what feels good? Just exist in your own corner of the universe? That is something that really resonated with me from my yoga class this week. There was a time in class where we were encouraged to just move to the music that was playing, just let everything go and accept that movement feels good. And I found myself struggling to look around and see what everyone else was doing instead of just existing in that moment. And it got me thinking: when was the last time that I was able to let go and just be?

I feel like this concept really hits something deeper. Its not about just existing and floating along, but instead its about being connected and present in the moment. Taking a moment for yourself in the chaos of every day. Now I hustle with the best of them, but I’m really beginning to try and take the small moments too. Like I had been saying in my previous post, I’ve been trying to take more moments for me. And I think something that needs to play into that is my presence in this world.

It’s so easy to float along and just go through the motions. My challenge for myself, and you, is to really take up the space you deserve to take up. Instead of making myself small for the comfort of those around me, I am challenging myself to be present and real and be ME.

Meeting this challenge won’t be linear, nor will it be comfortable. Its going to have progress that will be rocky and hard, just like my wellness journey.

Speaking of my wellness efforts, I was successful and happy in all of my classes. I feel whole and sore and tired and excited for the movement forward I’ve experienced this week. And I love the fact that I’m branching out into things other than just fitness (which is a huge part of course). So something that I’m going to work on this week is meditation. In the past my meditation practice has been focused on anxiety maintenance and I’ve not been successful in being present in it, so I’m shifting gears. Being present and existing in my own light is the new aim. Mindfulness is a lot more than just a buzzword to this almost 30 girl.

How are you going to take up the space you deserve? Let me know in the comments! (And don’t forget to follow the blog to hear first when there is a new post!)

Much love
Sara

Werk it

This week is a week of health. Making healthy choices and putting to bed some baaaad excuses.

Now, I’m not afraid of hard work. I’ve worked hard at things for my whole life, but somehow I’ve never really put that same effort into making myself better. Instead of looking at it as something that is for self improvement I’ve always put so much effort into the people around me. It’s a rabbit hole that is easy to get lost in. In my early 20s I kind of viewed it as selfish to put that much energy into myself. Not just with my weight but dressing in nice clothes, finding creative outlets, or even just spending money on something for myself.

Lately, however, I’ve been learning that its equally important to put effort into myself as it is in the people I choose to surround myself with. I wouldn’t question taking half an hour to spend time with my cats, so why not spend an hour relaxing in a bath with a book? It’s not a perfect process, there are still times when I struggle to feel worthy of spending the extra time to take care of me. And that’s ok. But I need to learn to step into my light a little more (I’m a lighting designer after all!)

That’s my goal of the week. Spend some time on me and really be ok with it. Specifically making some healthy ass choices that are going to become a part of my routine going forward. Tomorrow I start my new work out routine by taking a bad ass infrared yoga class with some folks from the office, then Thursday and Sunday taking a bomb spin class with one of my favourite instructors. Now Rome wasn’t built in a day and I’m sure that this week will be a struggle as will the weeks to come, but hey. Whats a little hard work right?

On top of my exercise health, I’m starting to pay more attention to what I eat. I have some terrible eating habits, and as a vegetarian I really should be doing better. I’ve been anemic for a long time and really should take more care of that. So this week I start doing better there too. I’ve been inspired to start investigating different things like juicing and different supplements that can be used to just generally promote my health (and the nicer hair, nails and skin thing is just a great bonus).

I’m learning that being almost 30 is a blessing in disguise. So much is changing but I’m really digging this introspection that I’ve been experiencing has started to change nearly every aspect of my life. It’s so tumultuous but I’ve decided I’m going to really embrace this time in my life.

Know any amazing Canadian brands I should look out for in my search for a better me? Have some questions about how these epiphanies keep on rolling? I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I’ll always answer! And don’t forget to follow my blog to get the latest updates (and find out how my work out week goes!)

Much love, Sara

In review

Holy guacamole its been a time. I’ll be better about writing here eventually, but for now here’s what’s been going on.

I just finished a tech week with the opera in town. The Barber of Seville. Ultimately its a great show and I learned a lot while doing it. Especially about who I don’t want to be as I approach 30.

See, there’s a lot of sexism in my industry. I was fortunate enough to work under a fabulous lighting designer for this show and she was so wonderful to me. However, our head of lighting is known to be at least a little sexist. At least to me and people of my age. But I had hoped he would be better behaved with someone who was a little more experienced (read: A LOT more experienced) than me. And he was, mostly. Still with the clear condescension and attitude and refusal to do certain things. Ladies you most likely have experienced behavior like this in your life and understand how frustrating it can be. Dudes, just don’t be that guy.

Above all else, the experience of the last week and a half was a good one. It’s reminded me of why I’m embracing the changes that are happening in both my personal life and career. Approaching my thirties has been a huge transition period for me, and it’s not one that I am likely to be through before the big birthday hits. Out of the tech week I’ve gained an important mentor who has in a way given me validation to work in the way I have been moving. Working with Eos has been incredible in a lot of ways but it’s been really hard to admit that it means moving away from theatre as my primary form of income. But speaking with Kim I’ve almost been given permission to take my time with Eos as it comes and enjoy it. It’s challenging work but also creative and most importantly flexible enough to allow me to continue in theatre part time.

The problem is, I’ve been hustling for so long I don’t know how to stop and settle in to a routine. But I also don’t want to be so exhausted all the time I can’t enjoy life. I don’t want to be so busy that I miss the important days in life. And I don’t want to lose myself to work.

Do you know what I mean? What are you looking forward to in the next week? Drop a comment below and let me know!

A Beginning

I’m inspired.

I have been listening to a podcast and I was reminded that the things I have been experiencing aren’t unusual but definitely aren’t talked about enough. I am on the precipice of being 30, and I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. So I’ve decided to write this blog. As I figure it out, hopefully someone will read along and commiserate my experiences.

The long and short of my introduction is this: I am 29, Canadian (yeah CANADA!) and work full time at an architectural lighting company. Or that’s what I tell people because its easier to explain than “a lighting and audiovisual experience design and integration” company. Seriously. Say that 5 times fast. In my spare time I try to see friends and make new ones because having moved to a new city 4 years ago I am learning that I haven’t integrated into actually living here as well as I should. Or could.

Twenties me thought she had everything figured out. Had the perfect relationship, was in the perfect city for me, was going to have kids by the time I was 30 and be happily married by then as well. Well almost 30 me is learning very quickly that I literally have nothing figured out. My relationship is rocky (yep still the same one) but we’re working on it. I’ve got no kids yet, am not married, but I still feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be. There has been a lot to let go of in the last few years and even more that I will have to learn to accept and not only that but thrive with if I’m going to survive this transition from my twenties to my thirties.

So welcome to me. To the ride of my life so far. And cheers to figuring it out!